One day, queuing in the works canteen, Bob says to Mike behind him, 'My elbow really hurts . Do you think I should see a doctor ? '

'Nah, mate ' Mike replies. 'There's a diagnostic computer down at ASDA . Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs a fiver - And its a lot quicker than a doctor.'

So Bob pees in to a small jar and takes it to ASDA .

He deposits his fiver and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

10 seconds later the computer gives a printout:
'You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in 2 weeks. Thank you for shopping @ ASDA .'

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Bob began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter and a sperm sample for good measure.

Bob hurries back to ASDA , eager to check the results. He deposits a fiver , pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener (Aisle 9).
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo (Aisle 7).
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her to Options .
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a solicitor.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!

Thank you for shopping @ ASDA.

lmao